Losing direction and summer depression

Unfortunately, this summer has not gone the way I planned so far. First of all, it has been unbearably hot. There have been days when I did not leave the apartment at all because the temperature was already above 30°C in the morning. And I do like warm weather, but not constant extreme heat. I had all sorts of plans to spend more time outdoors, start running, and so on, and none of that has happened.

My Mondays and Fridays off also tend to just dissolve into unstructured time for now, so I do not feel any more productive at all. Unfortunately, I have had to realize that FIRE by itself does not provide salvation; it will not automatically make me more active or happier. I really do have to figure out what I actually want to do. So after a break of almost three years, I am going back to therapy with a new therapist to help me understand what may be holding me back and how I can motivate myself.

But I do not want to write only about the negative things, so let me also mention Bátor Tábor. I completed my one-week international camp session, where I did archery with Czech and Slovak children and their parents. The first two days were still very difficult because I had to sleep in a room with strangers, but after that I got completely used to it and was able to rest fairly well. Still, walking 15,000–20,000 steps a day, constantly paying attention, and then remaining active in the evenings was a lot for me. As a result, the feedback I received was that I had been less active than expected and needed to improve in this area. I did not argue with that; I felt it myself. While others kept going at full speed for the whole week, I was already heading to bed at 10:30 p.m.

Another good thing about Bátor Tábor was that it reminded me how easy my own life is. Seeing — especially in the parents of seriously ill children — that these few days may be their only real break during the year was quite shocking. Meanwhile, I am sitting here worrying about not being able to find the meaning of my life. That truly is a first-world problem. In any case, I hope I will be able to work on this with my therapist and soon have a clearer idea of what my post-FIRE goal should be.